August 2017 Ashtanga Practice Journal

8/14/2017 Never Under Underestimate Ourselves

My body was so tight today. I wasn't sure whether it was because I ran yesterday for 3 miles or I haven't practiced yoga for 3 days. Or it could be both. I recently started running to improve my cardiovascular. Last time I ran regularly was more than 15 years ago. I was never a runner and disliked running. I wanted to get back to running to increase varieties of exercises. I have been doing Tabata, HIIT and strength training besides yoga for almost one year now. It was time for to try out new thing.

I felt low in energy when walking into the Mysore room. I could feel the soreness and weakness of my body. I was thinking of practicing the Primary Series only today. As I finished the Primary, I felt like I could still keep going. Then I told myself I would stop by Ustrasana. After that, I still felt like I could continue practicing. Because of that, I ended up doing all the poses in Secondary Series that I've been given to Ardha Matysendrasana. I was surprised how strong the mind could be. By telling myself that I had more energy and I wanted more, I was able to finish the full practice, more than what I normally did. I usually skipped poses from Upavistha Konasana to Setu Bandhasana.

Never underestimate what we are capable of!!!

8/22/2017 My First Eka Pada Sirsasana

These two weeks have been emotionally difficult for me. My teacher is resigning from the studio where I practice. It's a shocking and sad news too all of her students, including myself. Regardless what happens in the future, she is my teacher, my mentor and my dear friend forever. This Friday will be her last day in the room holding the place for us. I value every moment of my practice with her, under her guidance.

Today was a special day for me. Not only was it my birthday, I also had a break through in my practice. My teacher guided me into Eka Pada Sirsasana today. What? Getting my foot behind the head? I never thought I would be able to do that. Or maybe I would need few more years of practice to get there. She taught me how to warm up my hip and get into deep hip opening and external rotation. During the warm up, I could feel how tight my outer hip and outer thigh were. Those were the areas that she had asked to me put more attention on. Indeed, they did need more love, lots of love. After the warm up, she sat behind me to help me getting the foot UP and BEHIND my head. It was no joke. With her help and support, I was able to bring the foot up. Although it wasn't the most comfortable asana, it was my first time. I was quite excited about the progress I've made throughout my Ashtanga Journey. 

8/25/2017 A Rough Day to Practice

Today was the last day of my teacher holding the place for us. It was one of the most difficult days to practice for me. I was doing well until she entered the room as I was about to get into Kurmasana and Supta Kurmasana. These were the asanas which I got her assist often. When she came to help me, I could feel her gentle touch and her adjustment that was full of love and care. At that moment, I couldn't help but crying. My tears were out of control. Soon after that, she called for the group chant. It was the hardest chant ever. The room was full of silence and sadness. Finally, someone broke silence and started the Om. The chant was mixed with tears and runny noses. It was probably the worst chant we've ever done, but the most heart toughing and beautiful one.

I tried to get myself back together by focusing on the practice, but it could only help so much.  As I was ready for Supta Vijarasana, she came to help me. Here came my tears again. Then she said to me "I am not dying. I am still around." Indeed, she would be around. She just moved on to the next chapter of her journey and I should be happy for her.

I don't like changes. I am comfortable with where I am, but changes may not be a bad thing. Sometimes, things get better with changes. Maybe my teacher has resigned from the studio I practice at, but my friendship and mentor-ship with her do not end here. And of course, my practice will continue.

8/28/17 A Fresh Start of The Practice

First day in the room after my teacher's resignation. The vibe and energy were different today, but it was not necessary bad. I missed couple folks who used to come practice early. I was the first one there at 6AM and no one showed up until 20 minutes later. I had full attention from the assistant, which was nice. I was worried that not many people would come to practice today, but I was glad that more people showed up later. The teacher was a sub. She had been subbing in the past, so I was quite familiar with her style. Although her style was different to my teacher, she gave good advice and adjustment.

I was slowly adjusting myself and creating space within to accommodate the change. It is important to find the teacher that I am connected to, but it is MY practice, not my teacher's. Regardless what will happen next, I will carry on what I've learned, keep practicing and welcome the future with an open heart.

8/30/17 A Fresh Start of The Practice

I cried today during the opening chant. I wasn't sad or anything, rather I was emotional. The teacher who led the chant was my very first yoga instructor. I knew her since 2012. It was she who inspired me along my yoga journey. It was she who I did my 200 hour RYT with. It was a bless to have her as my teacher, my mentor. 

I am blessed and grateful.